Did My Organic Eggs Come from Happy Hens? - The Real Truth
Minneapolis - April 1, 2024: A few years ago, I published an article right here at Randy’s Chicken Blog about organic eggs. Specifically, it was about the inadequacy the federal rules governing organic eggs. If you’ve purchased organic eggs, you’ve probably been reassured by that official looking organic sticker announcing that the eggs in the carton in your hands have been vouched for by an agency of the US government. And you’ve probably felt good that you were supporting farmers who raise their hens in a sustainable and humane way.
Well, as my previous article pointed out, when it comes to hen welfare, that organic sticker is sort of meaningless. While the vast majority of organic egg producers are scrupulous in their use of humane practices, some of the very largest egg producers have wriggled through some large loopholes in the regulations. Their hens are living inhumane, subpar lives. Yet by affixing that organic sticker to their cartons, these large producers are able to charge the higher prices for their eggs that organic eggs command.
John Barn: My hens have very, very humane lives. No hens anywhere have lives that are humane as my hens’ lives.
Randy’s Chicken Blog: I’m very fortunate that John Barn, founder and CEO of Very Finest Organic Eggs, has agreed to an interview via email. Thanks, Mr. Barn! John Barn operates one of the largest organic egg businesses in the country. I’m happy that he’s agreed to have a conversation so we can get to the bottom of the organic egg rules. It has been suggested that some of the largest organic egg producers have skirted those rules. There are new federal regulations that have just gone into place that close some of the loopholes. So, this is a serendipitous time to find out how Mr. Barn feels about the charges that have been leveled and the updated regulations.
John Barn: Well, Randy, there’s no skirting. All I care about is producing the best eggs from the very best hens at the very, very, very best egg operation in the whole world.
RCB: Well, we’ll talk about that in a minute. But first I’d like to give my readers some background. The federal rules governing organic eggs go back to the Organic Foods Production Act which was implemented in 2000. As soon as those regulations took effect, it was obvious there were shortcomings and loopholes. Work began almost immediately to fix the problems. It was a huge task with many participants from national farm associations, the organic sector, and the USDA, among others. Eventually a new and improved set of guidelines was produced: The Organic Livestock and Poultry Practices (OLPP) rules.
JB: The idiots who wrote those OLPP rules are stupid people. Total losers. It’s just very, very sad what they were doing.
RCB: Well, the OLPP was never enacted. The rules were set to take effect in March of 2017. In January of 2017, with a switch in administrations, Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack stepped down and was replaced by Sonny Perdue. Secretary Perdue almost immediately moved to delay the implementation of the new rules by sixty days. In May, the rules were delayed by six months. Finally, in December new rules were entirely eliminated.
JB: Smart move. We already had rules. We’ve got too many rules. Who needs more rules? Those rules were bogus.
RCB: Well, we’ll get to the rules and what they say shortly. But first I need bring my readers up to date. With another administration switch on January 6, 2021, Tom Vilsack was once again Secretary of Agriculture. And since then, the Department of Ag has been working on new rules about how organically raised farm animals should be treated. The new Organic Livestock and Poultry Standards just went into effect in January. Now, to keep that organic sticker, all producers will have to comply with the new rules that will phase in between 2025 and 2029.
JB: Well, we don’t need all those rules. Why should I have a government bureaucrat tell me how to take care of my chickens. I know all about chickens I know how to take care of them better than anybody on the planet. Some people would say I’m the very, very best chicken guy there is. And why? Because I’ve been taking care of chickens for years. I have millions of chickens!
RCB: Yes! Let’s talk about your millions of chickens. You label the eggs from your hens “organic.” And to be certified organic you apparently are meeting the rules stipulated by the Organic Foods Production Act. One of your operations houses something like a million birds in five barns. That’s 200,000 hens per barn.
JB: We have lots of hens. Lots of very, very happy hens.
RCB: Well, we know the dimensions of those barns from aerial photographs. And if you do the math, it comes out to something like three hens for every square foot. Not only can’t I imagine how that’s physically possible, I also can’t imagine how anybody could consider that to be humane. Plus, packing hens together like that is out of compliance with the new regs. Matter of fact, it doesn’t even meet the old OFPA standards.
JB: Well, that’s bogus, phony information. My hens have lots of room.
RCB: I’d love to visit one of those barns to see how much room the hens actually have. Can I do that?
JB: Nope. Nope, sorry. Nobody goes into Very Finest Organic barns except employees. It’s all about biosecurity. If we started letting the general public into our facilities pretty soon all our hens would be sick with avian flu and all sorts of other really nasty bad diseases. We have to protect them. We really care a lot about our hens.
RCB: Can you help me understand then? Are the numbers wrong? Is the math wrong?
JB: I suppose if the barns only had one level it might be a little crowded. But in addition to the ground floor, there are four other levels. We call the upper levels “aeries.” The hens really love to get high up in an aerie and look at their world.
RCB: Aeries? But since nobody is allowed inside the barns, I only have your word that these aeries really exist.
JB: I’ll email you a picture. Here it is.
RCB: Um…Okay.
JB: See how happy they all look!
RCB: This is it? Um…is this a real picture? You’re saying this is the inside of your barn. I don’t know where to begin. For one thing, this looks like the inside of an old-timey barn. Photographs of your barns from the outside show metal buildings that are about twenty feet high. Nothing matches here!
JB: The hens really love it. We got the best interior designers to give the barns that old-fashioned look. All that wood paneling and so on.
RCB: Um….
JB: It cost lots of money; millions of dollars! But it was worth it. The hens are ecstatic with the ambience.
RCB: Um….Well, the new rules mandate that hens have access to the outdoors. There’s no indication that your hens ever go outside.
JB: Nope. My hens are indoor girls. They don’t like going outside.
RCB: But while the old regs, the ones that are currently still in effect, are a little unclear on hens being allowed access to the outdoors, they do stipulate that the chickens have to be allowed access to sunshine and fresh air.
JB: And they get that! They get that every day with the built-in cabanas!
RCB: Cabanas?
JB: Cabanas! They’re right in the barns and they give the girls all the fresh air and sunshine they need. I’ll send you a picture.
RCB: Um…You’re saying this…But it’s still indoors! They’re stuck indoors. They’re still bored hens with nothing to do!
JB: They have lots to do! Television for instance! They’ve got TVs that can access every streaming service on the planet. I can’t tell you how many times they’ve watched the National Poultry Show. And Chicken Run. Chicken Run is a big hit with them! I’ll send you a picture.
RCB: Um….
JB: And then there’s the video arcade, and the ball pit. They love the ball pit! I’ll send you a pic.
RCB: Um…But if it’s all indoors, the hens never have a chance to engage in their natural behaviors. Like scratching in the dirt. Or taking dust baths!
JB: Hens don’t need that. That’s bogus, phony news. Dirt is dirty and dust is dusty. My hens are clean hens! They love their entertainment and their cabana! The cabana is like a park!
RCB: Well, parks have trees. And grass. And dirt.
JB: Well, some parks have that. Mine is more like an indoor theme park. You know what they really love? They love the roller coaster. I’ll send you a pic!
RCB: Fact: These so-called hens on this so-called roller coaster don’t even look like real hens. I think you’re manufacturing this whole thing.
JB: No I’m not.
RCB: Yes you are.
JB: No I’m not.
RCB: Yes you are!
JB: I’m not. Maybe your “fact” is what’s bogus and phony here! You know, I can cut this off right now.
RCB: Can I ask one more question? One more question and we’ll wrap this up.
JB: What’s your question?
RCB: Commercial hens are usually in production for a couple of years. What then?
JB: What?
RCB: What happens to your hens after two years?
JB: You want me to talk about…Oh. Well, they’re retired.
RCB: Retired? What does that even mean?
JB: They’re retired. They move to the retirement barns. They are the very, very best retirement barns in the world. The hens can do anything they want! They get Wii sports! And bingo! There are art classes. They love the art classes! And continuing education! You know with all that free continuing education, we’ve graduated chickens that have become lawyers. And doctors. And accountants! I think it’s only a matter of time before one of our Very Finest Organic hens rises to become President of the United States! I’ll send you a pic!
RCB: I have no further questions.
This article is satire. Happy April 1! John Barn is not a real person. Very Finest Organic Eggs is not a real product. Any resemblance of this person and this product to any real person or product is purely coincidental. The interview is, of course, bogus and phony - satire. The pictures have all been generated using Bing AI.
But Here’s What is Real!
The Organic Foods Production Act loopholes are, unfortunately, not bogus and phony.
The abuse of those loopholes by some of the largest producers of organic eggs is real.
Cramming hens into vanishing small spaces is real. The OFPA never stipulated an exact square-footage requirement, only that hens be given enough space to engage in their natural behavior. Some producers interpreted this to mean three hens per square foot.
I made up the term “aeries” for this satiric piece. In real life, one large organic egg producer called the metal shelves he installed above the floor “aviaries.”
I made up the term “cabanas” for this satiric piece to describe an underhanded method for an egg producer to claim that his hens had access to fresh air and sunshine when he keeps them locked indoors. No egg producer in real life uses the term “cabanas.” Some producers call their cement floors surrounded screened walls “porches.”
You can get the whole story of the shortfalls and abuse of the OFPA from my article A Short History of Organic Eggs.
Also, fortunately, the new Organic Livestock and Poultry Standards, did just take effect in January. Stay tuned for a real article later this year about these new standards and how they’ll help chickens.
